File-39: Bikini Kitty
by Phi-chama
Summary: Taba teams up with Nasutei to wreck a little havoc on an unsuspecting beach front. Xover w/ Geobreeders.


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NOTES:This is a response to a challenge issued by Ebon on the  
Ronins mailing list. The fic had to include the following during a trip  
to the beach with two/three characters:  
  
1. a bucket of ice cubes  
2. a vegetable peeler  
3. a shedding cat  
4. a broken lamp  
5. the line "I swear that's the way it happened!"  
  
This may indeed be the first Geobreeders fanfiction out  
there. I don't know why; the series is incredibly fun to write. Oh, and  
I must warn you: if you don't know the series, you'll be a... bit lost.  
*winks* Taba is Yoichi's last name, by the by. It's what everybody  
calls him, so why should I be different? =)  
And no, the file number has no significance. This is my first  
and rather poor attempt at humor. Some swearing. I suck at action  
scenes. Proceed at own risk.  
Usual disclaimers apply.  
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File-39: Bikini Kitty  
by Phi [umezaki@postmark.net | http://aurabuster.net]  
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Nasutei smiled as she listened to the steady thrumming  
her rollerblades were making on the boardwalk that ran alongside  
the beach. Softly swinging the shopping bag that hung from her left  
hand, she deftly wove in and out of the crowds, enjoying the warm  
breeze on her face and the sun on her back. As she looked out on  
the sparkling expanse of water and reveled in the perfect weather,  
she could almost -- almost -- forget what she was doing out there to  
begin with.  
  
Sometimes, she wondered why she invited them all at the  
same time. Really wondered.  
  
Was she really such a sucker for punishment? She closed  
her eyes briefly (she was, after all, still skating) and allowed a small  
sigh to escape her lips. She had ~thought~ she had missed them,  
but she supposed that happened after several months of being  
apart. It gave her enough time to forget how much trouble they could  
cause her -- and her poor house.  
  
Her house. Her poor, defenseless house. It had never  
harmed anyone. Really.  
  
//Okay.// Nasutei tried to go over everything in her head  
that had led up to her rather unexpected trip to the beach. //It was  
five months since we were all last together. I missed them -- Lord  
knows ~why~ -- so I invited them for a weekend stay. And they  
came. And they wrecked my house. And... and... they're still there.//  
She fought a sudden urge to sniffle. //Why, why, why? WHY? WHY do I  
let them do this to me?//  
  
They all had been, of course, extremely apologetic.  
  
She just didn't understand how grown men could ~still~ be  
that immature. Or stupid. Whichever worked. See, it was like this....  
All five of them had arrived at her lakeside house at approximately  
ten o'clock that morning, and things had proceeded well from there.  
Nasutei had thought that it was going to be a nice little gathering,  
free from the usual mishaps and misfortunes and property damage  
that usually resulted from proximity to the Troopers. Showed how  
much she knew.  
  
Noon. Disaster struck.  
  
Well, better to start from the beginning. Except... it wasn't  
the ~exact~ beginning, but pretty darn close enough, so it could  
have seemed like the beginning without actually being the true  
beginning. Except, if it wasn't the real beginning, why would you  
bother to call it the beginning if it wasn't? And wasn't the beginning  
when they had all arrived at her house, and hadn't she already gone  
over that? So then she wouldn't have to start at the beginning,  
because she had already done that. But that wasn't really the  
beginning -- it was more like background information that you need  
to have before hearing the actual story. And wouldn't the beginning  
have been when she thought up the idea of inviting them all in the  
first place....  
  
Whatever.  
  
Shin had requested that he be allowed to make everyone a   
special picnic dinner for that night. No, scratch that -- he had quite  
forcibly insisted. And had done so with a dangerous little glint in his  
eye that made you wonder if you were developing a sweatdrop on  
the back of your head. It was strange, how he could do that.  
Anyway, in the process of preparing said special dinner, he sort of  
took over the kitchen and surrounding areas... which did not make  
Shu and Touma happy. At all.  
  
So somehow -- Nasutei was a bit fuzzy on the details --  
those two had managed to sneak into the kitchen behind Shin's back  
and do something bad enough to upset him into chasing them  
around the house, brandishing a vegetable peeler (which,  
incidentally, still had a bit of potato skin hanging from it). She had  
watched the chase with a somewhat bemused expression and  
reflected on how this really was like "old times," until... well... Touma  
looked back to see Shin hot on his heels... and tripped over Shu's  
foot... and fell... headlong... into...  
  
The lamp. And not just any lamp. It was ~the~ lamp -- the  
lamp her Grandfather had given to her on her thirteenth birthday,  
the cute little Mickey Mouse lamp with a clock on his belly whose  
alarm could be set to play that darling little "It's A Small World After  
All" tune. She ~loved~ that lamp. She ~treasured~ that lamp.  
She would ~kill~ for that lamp.  
  
And now it was smashed into little itsy-bitsy pieces of  
Mousey-ness over her living room floor.  
  
But then she uncovered her eyes, and found that that last  
part was purely her imagination. (It was probably a good thing, too,  
since Touma had been nervously edging towards the front door,  
ready to bolt at a second's notice.) No, it was mostly intact -- thanks   
to the plush carpet she had installed during the house's latest...  
remodling -- save for a broken bulb.  
  
And would you believe she was completely out of bulbs?  
Well, neither did she, until an hour-long search proved her wrong.  
And by that time, she was thoroughly ~ticked~. Without saying a  
word, she had strapped on her rollerblades and found herself  
cruising down the sunlight, crowded boardwalk. (Completely taking  
out the time, of course, to get to the beach in the first place.) She  
had found herself in one of those wierd little tourist shops that don't  
even sell anything a tourist would remotely need -- unless they were  
tourons, which was a completely different matter -- and bought about   
dozen red lightbulbs. She thought they would go nicely with Mickey's  
adorable little painted red pants.  
  
And so, Nasutei continued to skate, slowly letting off steam  
and trying to enjoy the bright world around her.  
  
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Taba Yoichi sighed in relief as he let himself relax against  
the sun-warmed blanket spread over the sand. His day off. No cats,  
no spaz presidents, no gun-nut psychos, no narcolyptic  
"professional" drivers, no ~anything~. His day off. He said the  
words aloud, savoring the taste of them in his mouth. He had never  
spoken sweeter words. "My day off. My day off." He had been  
waiting ~months~ for this. No one was going to take it away from  
him.  
  
He rumaged around in the bucket of half-melted ice next to  
him and pulled out a nice, cool cylindrical can. Popping the tab and  
holding the drink to his lips, he shivered a little at the cold sweetness  
it left as it poured down his throat. He frowned a little as he set the  
can back down, muttering to himself. "Where did that cooler go? I  
could've sworn I saw it just the other day...."  
  
An explosion.  
  
Nope, he didn't hear it. No how, no way. Nothing doin'.  
  
Another. And another.  
  
He started humming to himself, trying desperately to tune  
out the shouts of the people who ran past his blanket. Nope nope,  
can't hear a thing. Gone deaf.  
  
It was getting harder to drown out the noise, now that the  
whole beach was on the move -- running around him, over him,  
~on~ him. Finally, when he couldn't stand being trampled any  
further, he lept to his feet and yelled, "What the HELL is going on  
here?!?"  
  
Turning on his heels, he had no problem finding the source   
of confusion. A ways down, a store on the boardwalk had exploded  
unexpectedly; the flames were quickly starting to spread to the  
neighboring stores. Before he knew it, Taba found himself running  
towards the nearly destroyed shop.  
  
He could have sworn... he thought he had seen... please, if  
there was truly a god, let this just be a trick of his imagination. He  
couldn't have seen one. It was his ~day off~, for Pete's sake.  
  
But no, luck was not with him today. He had indeed seen it.  
Taba stammered a little, still trying to convince himself that his eyes  
were playing tricks on him. "Ba... Bake-Neko?!?"  
  
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Her head swam unpleasantly as she slowly tried to sit up  
and open her eyes. Wait... sit up? What had happened? After she  
had managed to crack one eye open, she gasped openly at the site  
that greeted her.  
  
The shop she had been skating by was completely  
consumed by flames. And in front of it was a very smug-looking, very  
~fluffy~... cat?  
  
She must have hit her head harder than she had thought.  
  
Wincing a bit as she gingerly touched her head, she  
quickly ran through the possibilites. Arson? Maybe, but who would  
want to hurt... she glanced towards the half-burned sign at the top...  
Okaachan and Otouchan's Sushi Bar? Well then, what else could it  
be? She gasped once again as a sudden, terrifying thought came to  
her.  
  
"Youjakai?"  
  
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They noticed each other at exactly the same moment,  
which was only natural, seeing as how they were standing (well, one  
was standing and the other was sort of half-lying, half-sitting) right  
next to each other. "What did you say?" they chorused, shocked  
that the other could have a possible explanation for all this.  
  
"What--" they began again, and then paused,  
embarassed. "How did--" They couldn't seem to get out of synch.  
Finally, Taba resolved to get in first, before they could start doing  
that weird two-as-one deal again.  
  
"Excuse me, ma'am, but I think you might want to get out of  
here."  
  
"Oh?" Nasutei raised an eyebrow eloquently. She  
discreetly looked him over with a critical eye; he seemed average  
enough, with his short brown hair, brown eyes, and medium build.  
What could he possibly do about demon generals and soul-stealing  
spirits?  
  
Taba sighed, seeing the incredulity in her eyes. "That cat  
is very dangerous," he tried to explain. "It was the one who caused  
the explosions." He couldn't risk telling her anything further, since  
the general populace was not exactly supposed to know of the  
Bake-Neko's existance. It was getting rather difficult to keep them a  
secret, though.  
  
Nasutei tried very hard not to let her surprise show. A...  
cat... did all this? The Youjakai was sending cats to blow up  
buildings?  
  
She gratefully took Taba's hand when he offered it and  
managed quite an ungraceful rise. She blushed slightly as the hand  
contact lasted a few heartbeats longer than necessary, and  
smoothed her shorts self-consciously when he let go.  
  
By this time, the Bake-Neko had stopped its arrogant  
preening and was looking at the two people in front of it -- now the  
only people anywhere in the vacinity -- with malicious curiousity. It  
shook, as cats are wont to do, sending little puffs of fluff into the air.  
Nasutei's eyes watered just watching it. Suddenly, recognition flared  
in its slit eyes as it stared at the male in the pair, and a low growl  
escaped its feline throat.  
  
"Kagura...."  
  
Taba and Nasutei turned simultaneously when they heard  
a slight crackling in the air, as if electricity was passing from one of  
those static globes to another. Nasutei's jaw dropped as she  
watched the cat in front of her elongate, its limbs stretching in  
grotesque, stomach-churning ways, to form the body of a... human  
girl? She only faintly heard Taba's groan, "I hate this part."  
  
The former cat was now a girl, approximately a little  
younger-looking than she, dressed in nothing but a bikini. An itsy-  
bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini. And it left nothing to the  
imagination. Openly gaping, Nasutei turned to look at the man  
beside her, expecting to see some sort of lecherous or other  
perverted look on his face -- but was surprised to only find panic.  
  
Just what in the world was going on here?  
  
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"Kagura..." the girl grinned in a decidedly unfriendly way.  
  
Taba's muttered swear was less intelligible this time, as he  
abruptly turned and dragged Nasutei along with him. She could tell  
he was muttering something, but could only make out bits and  
pieces. "...damn cat...day off...gonna quit...my day off..." They ran  
on and on down the boardwalk as he continued to mutter. It was  
harder to hear this time, but she thought she heard the words  
"seals" and "laptop."  
  
"Umm... excuse me??" The last came off a bit more of a wail  
than Nasutei had meant it to be, but it succeeded in getting the  
man's attention. They were off the boardwalk now and onto the  
beach, and she was finding it extremely difficult to run on sand with  
rollerblades.  
  
"Sorry about all this!" He shouted over his shoulder, never   
letting his eyes leave the ever-nearing blanket in front of them. "I'm  
Taba Yoichi. I work -- but I'm going to quit soon -- for Kagura  
Security, a company set up to destroy the Bake-Neko." He paused  
when the two of them reached the blanket, and let go of Nasutei's  
arm. She sighed gratefully and plopped down on the sand, rubbing  
her arm absently. It ~hurt~. And her lungs hurt. And her legs. She  
didn't think she could run anymore, let alone stand up. She was just  
about to reach down to take off her blades and massage her aching  
feet, when Taba grabbed her arm again and hauled her painfully to  
her feet. "No time!" Nasutei let a small cry of protest escape her  
lips, but was quickly silenced when he motioned to the girl, who was  
rapidly gaining on them.  
  
She blinked. Wow. Had they really run that fast, to get that  
much of a head start?  
  
Before she could really understand what was happening,  
she was being dragged along the sand again. Trying to ignore how  
leaden her legs felt, she focused in on what he had said earlier. One  
thing didn't seem to click. Bringing her lips as close to his ear as  
possible, she shouted, "Bake-Neko?"  
  
He winced slightly -- serves him right, she thought with  
satisfaction -- and yelled back, "Phantom cats!" After glancing back  
to see her uncomprehending look, he elaborated. "They can travel  
through electronic equipment, like phones and computers. They have  
a tendency to blow things up."  
  
Nasutei nodded. She sure knew what ~that~ was like.  
  
She was surprised when she felt the steady thrumming of  
her rollerblades and realized that somehow they had gotten back on  
the boardwalk. Forcing her aching legs to pump, she struggled to  
keep pace with Taba, who was going at a surprising pace for an  
ordinary human. She guessed he did this a lot.  
  
She let out a small "Eep!" when Taba suddenly pulled her  
into a small, empty shop and stuffed her behind the counter. Wasting  
no time, he unfolded the rectangular box Nasutei belatedly realized  
that he was carrying and started to type furiously. Ah, this must be  
the laptop.  
  
"I'm Yagyu Nasutei." Well, ~someone~ had to say  
something. He glanced at her, looking a little embarrased, and  
continued to type.  
  
"I'm sorry to involve you in this, Miss Yagyu, but I can't  
really let you leave. The Bake-Neko knows what you look like, so we  
have to destroy it before it can get back to the others," Taba  
mumbled absently, his eyes glued to the small computer screen. He  
sighed, and looked up at her, looking a bit worse for wear. "See  
these?" He held up four little slips of paper with a strange insignia at   
the top -- a circle circumscribed about a triangle -- and something  
that looked like a plug socket at the bottom.  
  
What in the...?  
  
She nodded, a bit reluctant and extremely confused. How  
were four pieces of paper and a battered laptop going to stop a  
shape-shifting cat? "These are seals," he continued. "We need to  
delete the Bake-Neko using these." Delete? Were... were the  
Bake-Neko some kind of computer virus or something? He had  
said that they could travel through electronic equipment.... "They  
have a limited radius, so we need to use this place's walls to hang  
them. In order to be deleted, the Bake-Neko have to be surrounded  
by the seals on four sides." He was speaking hurriedly now, nervous  
sweat beginning to shine on his face. No matter how many times he's  
done this now, it always made him edgy. Those cats were ~scary~.  
  
A sudden crash in the front of the store and a growled  
"Kagura!" warned them that their chaser had -- finally -- found them.  
Pushing the seals into Nasutei's sweaty palm, Taba whispered, "I'll  
distract her." She nodded firmly and waited until he had jumped onto  
the top of the counter to move. "Oi, tuna-breath!" He sweatdropped  
as he waved his arms frantically, trying to get the cat-girl's  
attention. Unfortunately for him, it worked.  
  
She lunged for him, a feral smile on her lips. Taba  
panicked. //Dammit, where's that crossbow when I need it?!?//  
  
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Nasutei's heart was pounding so hard she was afraid it was  
going to rupture. Oh, God... the fear, the adreneline, the ~rush~...  
she loved it! She didn't think she had ever had this much fun in her  
entire life. She almost wanted the cat to notice her, to start to chase  
her. God, she was having a blast.  
  
Poor Taba, though. He didn't look like he was having fun at  
all. She frowned a little, trying to imagine why. //Oh well,// she  
shrugged. //To each his own.// She grinned suddenly as she  
successfully placed the first seal on the wall.  
  
//One!//  
  
Skating swiftly and silently, she managed to place the next  
two slips without being discovered.  
  
//Two!//  
  
//Three!//  
  
Feeling a little disappointed at this anti-climax, she paused  
in hanging the fourth seal when she heard Taba's scream, followed by   
an abrupt crashing noise. She looked around in curiousity, only to  
see the man running for his life down the boardwalk, the Bake-Neko  
close on his heels. Eh? Why was he running away? The seals were  
over here....  
  
Quickly slapping the fourth seal on the side of the counter  
and shouting a jubilant "Four!" in her head, Nasutei skated out the  
now-destroyed shop front. Maybe she could do something to help  
that poor man.  
  
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Tears were streaming from his eyes as he ran. And ran.  
And ran.  
  
His curses under his breath fell into the pattern of his  
steps... each footfall equaled a "Damn," a litany of his frustration and   
fear. He knew he had to get back to the shop and Nasutei and the  
seals, but his feet didn't seem to want to cooperate with his mind. He  
could feel something coming up closer behind him. Taba closed his  
eyes and willed his legs to move faster, to just get a little more  
distance between them. When he opened them once more, he found  
himself staring straight into the dancing eyes of Nasutei.  
  
He stopped dead.  
  
She giggled, winked quickly, and roughly shoved him out of  
the way. Mouth agape, he watched her as she skated straight toward  
the Bake-Neko, crouched low to gain speed. The idiot! What the hell  
did she think she was doing? She was as bad as Umezaki!  
  
He abruptly understood. Sighing the sigh of the long-  
suffering, he started to run back, reminding himself that he was going  
to put his letter of resignation on the Prez's desk first thing tomorrow  
morning. If he lived that long.  
  
He tried to swallow down the tears as he ran faster.  
  
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Nasutei was rapidly approaching the Bake-Neko, skating  
harder than she had ever done before. Lord, this was fun. With a  
nearly maniacal glint in her eyes, she shifted her grip on the bag  
behind her back to make sure it was still there.  
  
The kitty cat was right in front of her now, dangerously  
close. Without slowing, Nasutei swerved to the left and swung the bag  
at the cat's face with all her strength. She smirked in satisfaction as  
she heard both the crunch of smashed glass and a pained howl. Too  
bad about the light bulbs, though. She would have to buy more tomorrow.  
  
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The whole situation was getting frustrating.  
  
Nasutei was acting like she actually enjoyed it. The Bake-  
Neko wouldn't get into the seals' range. And what's worse, this was  
supposed to be his day off. Damn frustrating. Taba allowed himself to  
wallow in self-pity, until he saw the cat-girl pick herself up from the  
ground, dust herself free of red shards, and start to chase Nasutei.  
  
Red... shards? Taba blinked. Had he missed something?  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Nasutei ducked back into the shop and headed straight for  
the seals. Okay... she was here, and so was the cat. Why wasn't it  
disappearing in a puff of cat fur or something? She started to fidget.  
Slowly realizing that maybe her idea wasn't so great after all, she did  
the only think she could think of as the Bake-Neko made a grab for  
her with those long, sharp, painful-looking claws.  
  
"TABA!!"  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
He heard his name screamed desperately.  
  
"Nasutei!" He called back as he skidded through the  
crooked doorframe. Diving behind the counter, he instructed, "Get  
out of there!"  
  
She didn't need to be told twice. Trying to duck under the  
Bake-Neko's flailing arms, she managed to barely skirt by. She  
winced as the claws caught across the back of her shirt, tearing the  
fabric and the skin. She faintly heard Taba cry "DELETE!" before  
everything became an overused cliche.  
  
You know, went black.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"That's the way it happened. I ~swear~ that's the way it  
happened!" Taba found himself staring into three pairs of disbelieving  
eyes. (Takami was making tea in the other room, and Himehagi was in   
the basement, sleeping as usual.)   
  
Umezaki snorted, while Rando simply rolled her eyes.  
President Kikushima cleared her throat. Standing on top of her desk  
-- as she usually does whenever she proclaims something that Taba  
isn't going to like -- she pointed an accusatory finger at him and  
began her speech. "Taba Yoichi! You have been found guilty of the  
egregious offense of damaging private property while not under  
contract! In accordance with Chapter 14, Rule 7 of Kagura Security's  
Company Policy, you shall be required to perform your customary  
duty without monetary compensation for a total of 72 hours! This rule   
is now under enforcement!"  
  
They stared at each other.  
  
"You can't be serious," Taba deadpanned.  
  
Kikushima continued to point.  
  
"But I wasn't the one who set the seals!" Taba wailed. "I  
didn't know the whole damn neighborhood was going to blow up!"  
  
Kikushima continued to point.  
  
He glowered for a moment or two, before sighing resignedly  
and stalking to the door. He was going to quit. Really, he was.  
Tomorrow. He was going to write the resignation letter tonight, and  
put it on Kikushima's desk first thing in the morning.  
  
He thought he heard a faint "Have a nice day!" as he  
slammed the door behind him.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Nasutei smiled faintly as she continued to skate toward  
her lakeside mansion, ignoring the stinging on her back and the  
strange glances being cast her way. She knew she didn't look good;  
her hair was a cloud of tangles, her shirt was tattered, and she was  
covered in something that she hoped was soot. But, aside from the  
slight concussion she was suffering from, she felt pretty good.  
  
Goodness, that had been fun.  
  
Did Taba do that every day? She closed her eyes, trying to   
recapture the rush the adrenaline had given her. The way the wind  
had felt in her hair, the thrill throwing her bag into that Bake-Neko's  
face she had felt.... She hugged herself, smiling blissfully.  
  
What was that company's name again? Kaguya? Kaguta?  
Kagura...?  
  
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End file.
